Art show. 05/13/2010
 
Today was an exhibit opening for a show that students in a class of mine put up. We had a dedicated space, and we adapted the room to our purpose. I don't really want to talk about the show or how we barely pulled things together- I want to talk about my emotions.
I was feeling very good during set up. Getting our computers running, setting out food, sweeping a bit more, getting the guestbook out- everything went just fine and I felt quite wonderful. 
Then, people started filtering in. They talked to some of the other students and they looked at the work, but a lot of them were just family members or friends. I started to feel sick. I wanted to go sit in the bathroom and just curl up, maybe even cry a bit. It was a sudden onset of depression. How did I ever think that I could present my work? Why did I think anyone would take me seriously? Did I honestly expect my work to be worth someone's time? To give them back enough for the effort they could put into it?
I didn't know what to do. I almost wanted to tear my work down and just take it home.

The night got better. People started talking to me. I got compliments, some forced, some genuine. I had conversations with people I'd never met before about how they were feeling at home in my space- it was nice. The depression faded.
I know that I won't forget the good things about this opening, but what I'll really remember is that awful, horrible, uncertain, questioning feeling. 
It's what reminds me that I'm not an "artist", I'm just a person.
 


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