Art show. 05/13/2010
 
Today was an exhibit opening for a show that students in a class of mine put up. We had a dedicated space, and we adapted the room to our purpose. I don't really want to talk about the show or how we barely pulled things together- I want to talk about my emotions.
I was feeling very good during set up. Getting our computers running, setting out food, sweeping a bit more, getting the guestbook out- everything went just fine and I felt quite wonderful. 
Then, people started filtering in. They talked to some of the other students and they looked at the work, but a lot of them were just family members or friends. I started to feel sick. I wanted to go sit in the bathroom and just curl up, maybe even cry a bit. It was a sudden onset of depression. How did I ever think that I could present my work? Why did I think anyone would take me seriously? Did I honestly expect my work to be worth someone's time? To give them back enough for the effort they could put into it?
I didn't know what to do. I almost wanted to tear my work down and just take it home.

The night got better. People started talking to me. I got compliments, some forced, some genuine. I had conversations with people I'd never met before about how they were feeling at home in my space- it was nice. The depression faded.
I know that I won't forget the good things about this opening, but what I'll really remember is that awful, horrible, uncertain, questioning feeling. 
It's what reminds me that I'm not an "artist", I'm just a person.
 
 
A-hem. This mother's day I went to visit my granny with my mother and my siblings. I only took a few pictures with my mother and my granny, but my siblings and I went to a park behind my Granny's house, and I took A BLOAD of pictures on the swings, etc. So, uh, happy mother's day, and um, BWOOSH.
 
Astrophotography 05/04/2010
 
I've been experimenting with photographing the sky during the day and night, and apparently what I'm doing at night actually has a name: ASTROPHOTOGRAPHY. Bwoosh, innit?
I'm waiting on a twenty minute exposure, and it's getting cold out, and the rose bush by my house keeps making weird noises.
 
From the farm. 05/04/2010
 
I just found some old pictures on a flash drive I thought I had lost. The pictures were taken during a family gathering at our tree farm.
Yep.
 
 
No, really. I pity my younger sister. She is the closest thing I have to a "muse", so of course when I need a model for a picture, I turn to her. Which means that I try to control absolutely everything she does in the shot. "Remember, you need to feel like ngh." "Imagine that you're bossing around a penguin." "Knees down, hips up, lean back, chin down." 
I guess she's used to it, but I think it's creepy.
 
Cosplay 04/29/2010
 
I don't normally cosplay at conventions. I plan to, but then I never quite get around to making the costumes. Instead, I resort to the White Mage robe I made in sixth grade. As Anime Central approaches this year, I've been considering a few cosplays that could work with my body type, but for me there is one major difference for the convention: my younger sister is coming with.
She wants to cosplay, and I want her to cosplay. The thing is, though, she can't really sew or construct clothes. So, I have become her seamstress/stylist. 
Of course, I'm not that great at sewing either, so we decided our best interest was to turn to our favorite thrift store for clothes that could be modified. We set out with $20 and four costumes in mind: Yomiko Readman from R.O.D. for me, and then Anita King from R.O.D. the TV, Sora from Digimon, and Haruhi Suzumiya from the Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya for her.
We managed to get: three shirts, three skirts, two pairs of shoes, one jacket, some ribbon, fabric, and paint.
So, we're well aware that our costumes will not be completely accurate, nor will they be of superior construction. We're okay with that, though. For casual cosplayers such as ourselves, cosplay is all about fun.
 
 
A-hem. 
So, my pinhole camera did not work as well as it could have. However, even the images that were essentially pictures of the shutter system I had turned out to be fairly interesting. The next time I make a pinhole camera, I'll have to make my cuts cleaner.
I made the camera rather quickly as I had to work in the evening and I really did want to try taking some on Worldwide Pinhole Photography Day.
 
 
Today is Worldwide Pinhole Photography Day. A camera is basically a light-tight box with a hole to let light in. A pinhole camera is thus a camera in this most basic sense. As a photo enthusiast, I made a pinhole  camera  and shot a roll of film with. I haven't developed the pictures yet, but when I do, I'll share them here. Even if you're not a big photography fan, pinhole cameras are really quite fun, and they're a great way to get back into film. Here's the bang-up job I did making mine.
I also worked in the theater where I'm employed today. I'm one of several lighting and sound technicians that we have, so I don't work too frequently in there. The local Sheriff department was having an event where they had hired a Johnny Cash impersonator to perform. The crew had brought their own sound system, so all I really had to do was adjust the lighting. With so much time on my hands, but not enough to make it worthwhile to go home, I played around in the theater and took some photos of the back stage area.
 
Beast Below 04/24/2010
 
I'm not exactly a Whovian, I'm kind of like Whovian lite. I enjoy Doctor Who, and I know a lot more than the average person you would just pull off the street. However, I haven't watched nearly every episode and I don't know basically the whole timeline like my younger brother and some of my friends. Thus, I'm a Whovian lite.
This is the way things generally seem to be for me. I'm not "hardcore" anything. It makes me sort of guilty for attaching terms to myself, like "browncoat", "otaku", "gamer", "nerdfighter", "youtuber", "sims fan", etc. As much as I am a part of a group of fans, I never seem to go to the next level. For example, I really like dolls. Ball-jointed dolls, Barbie dolls, older dolls, art dolls, even just plastic miniatures, but I don't reach the level of collector. I can't recognize a particular type as soon as I see it, I just decide whether or not it really interests me. *sigh* 
I guess sometimes I just feel like I don't belong anywhere. I am so tragic.


Oh, but back to the point of this. I finished watching "The Beast Below" (being a Whovian lite, I wait for it to air on BBC America), and something about it was just kind of . . . off. It started off like it would be very creepy, but it seemed like some of the elements that had made it so mysterious and creepy where just sort of left out. Like the spinning heads that are either happy or angry. We didn't really find out what their specific purpose was or how they were controlled or why getting a zero was so bad, or a whole lot of other things. Also, I'm finding some of the themes too obvious, like the "0" and the crack. Still, I'm looking forward to the next episode. 


Pictures below from my BBC America's Doctor Who premier party. Just a small group of people hanging out to watch the new season officially start in the U.S.
 
 
I am a girl. Alas, though, I am not very girly. The last time I shaved was in fifth grade. (I mean shaved ANYWHERE)
Watching the finale of Project Runway really makes me wish that I could wear a dress without looking so silly. Also, walking in heels would be a good skill. My feet are so wide, though, and my unshaven legs make me look I have a man's lower body.


I kind of wish I could have to lives: normal me and then girl me. 
Right now girl me is just so embarrassed and has no idea what she's doing so she just dissolves into normal way.


Sigh. (diddly)